Bathtub Gingerale

benito-cereno:

What up, haints, it’s October times. Let’s get Halloweird with it. Here are some movies of the horror and horror-adjacent genres that you might watch by yourself or with a party of friends or with a 20 foot tall whistling ghost who grinds the bones of womanizers into dust inside his sack. This is part six; if you know the drill, welcome; if you’re new to the circle, always say goodbye before you leave the talking board.

Previously, on The Haunting of Netflix House:

• 2013: The Haunting of Netflix House
  
• 2014: The Haunting of Netflix House 2: Your Sister is a Netflix
  
• 2015: The Haunting of Netflix House 3: The Season of the Netflix
  
• 2016: The Haunting of Netflix House 4: The Netflix Master
  
• 2017: The Haunting of Netflix House 5: The Netflix Dimension

A couple of notes for those who are new to the list:

• This is being posted on October 1, 2018. For humans of the future who find this, the links may not all be up to date. Some might even expire by November 2018. Click at your own risk.
  
• I try to offer both breadth and depth of options on this list, but it is by no means exhaustive. I’m sorry if a favorite of yours got left off. There’s a chance I just haven’t seen it yet. Feel free to reblog and add some of your favorites, but please make sure a movie is actually currently available on Netflix before jumping my shit about some nonsense I “forgot,” please and thank you.
  
• This list is based upon movies that are available on Netflix in the US. I have no idea what is streaming on Canadian Netflix or British Netflix or Slovenian Netflix. How would I know this. Why would I know this. Please do not expect me to know this. Feel free to be the Canadian/British/Slovenian Benito and make your own list applicable to your own countryhumans.
  
• Horror movies, by their nature, have horrific things in them. Most of these movies are violent; lots of them deal with torture, abuse, and mental illness. If some element of this jumps out to me while I’m writing these up, I’ll mention them, but if you are sensitive to or have issues with certain types of content, you might look an individual movie up on Common Sense Media first to check for content warnings.
  
• While there are always good horror movies to be found on Netflix, if you really like scary movies, you should just get a Shudder subscription (or even just the free trial!). It has an unbeatable, well-curated selection.
  

All right let’s get to the goddamn movies what say

Keep reading

benito-cereno:

What’s up Octobocops, it’s Halloweason. Let’s get spooked. Here are some movies of the horror and horror-adjacent genres that you might watch by yourself or with a party of friends or with the spirit of a long-deceased duke who lives in inhabits your house. This is part five; you know the goddamn drill by now.

Previously, on The Haunting of Netflix House:

• 2013: The Haunting of Netflix House
  
• 2014: The Haunting of Netflix House 2: Your Sister is a Netflix
  
• 2015: The Haunting of Netflix House 3: The Season of the Netflix
  
• 2016: The Haunting of Netflix House 4: The Netflix Master
  

A couple of notes for those who are new to the list:

• This is being posted on October 2, 2017. For humans of the future who find this, the links may not all be up to date. Some might even expire by November 2017. Click at your own risk.
  
• I try to offer both breadth and depth of options on this list, but it is by no means exhaustive. I’m sorry if a favorite of yours got left off. There’s a chance I just haven’t seen it yet. Feel free to reblog and add some of your favorites, but please make sure a movie is actually currently available on Netflix before jumping my shit about some nonsense I “forgot,” please and thank you.
  
• This list is based upon movies that are available on Netflix in the US. I have no idea what is streaming on Canadian Netflix or British Netflix or Slovenian Netflix. How would I know this. Why would I know this. Please do not expect me to know this. Feel free to be the Canadian/British/Slovenian Benito and make your own list applicable to your own countryhumans.
  
• Horror movies, by their nature, have horrific things in them. Most of these movies are violent; lots of them deal with torture, abuse, and mental illness. If some element of this jumps out to me while I’m writing these up, I’ll mention them, but if you are sensitive to or have issues with certain types of content, you might look an individual movie up on Common Sense Media first to check for content warnings.
  
• While there are always good horror movies to be found on Netflix, if you really like scary movies, you should just get a Shudder subscription (or even just the free trial!). It has an unbeatable, well-curated selection.
  

All right let’s get to the goddamn movies what say

Classics (this section seems to get smaller every year):

• Jaws (this is about a shark)
  
• The Fly (the Vincent Price version, not the Jeff Goldblum one)
  
• Gremlins (technically a Christmas movie, obviously, but maybe you’re a rebel)
  
• The Sixth Sense (is this a classic? I mean probably your mom has heard of it, so)
  

Horror Comedies:

• Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (highly recommended)
  
• Little Evil (new from the maker of Tucker and Dale; great cast; more than the Omen spoof it looks like; recommended)
  
• Troll Hunter (not horror in the traditional sense; not a “Halloween” monster; found footage style; subtitled; awesome)
  
• Young Frankenstein (maybe you’ve heard of this one)
  
• The Host (subtitled; not a “Halloween” monster)
  
• Ravenous (fucking rules)
  
• Housebound (recommended)
  
• Patchwork (in the vein of like Re-Animator and Frankenhooker)
  
• Deathgasm (the best the best the best; watch immediately)
  
• The Bar
  

Haunted House/Ghost shit:

• The Awakening
  
• The Pact (recommended)
  
• The Babadook (highest possible recommendation; how have you not watched this yet)
  
• Under the Shadow (recommended; basically the Iranian Babadook)
  
• The Canal
  
• We Are Still Here (Barbara Crampton is in this; her name will be mentioned a few more times on this list because she is apparently a major selling point for some people)
  
• Last Shift (haunted police station; recommended)
  
• The Legend of Hell House (love this one; love Roddy McDowall)
  
• I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives in the House (very slow paced but atmospheric)
  
• Coraline (yeah, the scary stop-motion one)
  

Vampire shit:

• Stake Land (non-traditional vampire rules; not really my jam but some people love it; no idea if the sequel is good)
  
• Byzantium
  
• Night Watch
  

Werewolf shit:

• Late Phases (old blind guy vs werewolves; pretty good)
  
• When Animals Dream (hit some similar thematic notes to Ginger Snaps, but completely different tonally; subtitled)
  

Zombie shit:

• Train to Busan (this rules; subtitled)
  

Witch/Demon/Pagan shit:

• At the Devil’s Door (from the maker of The Pact; not as good, still interesting)
  
• The Void (Lovecraftian cult shit; very cool visuals and practical effects)
  
• Baskin (subtitled; super gory; also, the protags are asshole cops who tell transphobic stories and say homophobic slurs and talk about bestiality at the beginning, so heads up; worth a watch if that doesn’t bother you)
  
• The Devil’s Candy
  
• Hellions (this is not *great,* but it looks good and is heavily Halloweeny)
  
• The Wailing (fucking amazing; subtitled)
  

Found footage shit:

• V/H/S (lots of sex, violence, and sexualized violence
  
• V/H/S/2 (same)
  
• V/H/S Viral (same but in a different way)
  
• The Den (ChatRoulette the horror movie; highly highly highly recommended)
  
• Creep (recommended)
  
• They’re Watching (not super amazing, but it’s wild af and I kind of love it; what if House Hunters International renovated a witch house?)
  
• Man Vs (pretty okay)
  

Slasher shit (needless to say, these are gory):

• Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
  
• Curse of Chucky (way better than you think it is)
  
• Clown (the haunted clown suit movie so good that Marvel said, “Yo, this guy should be in charge of Spider-Man”)
  
• The Windmill (it’ll do fine if you’re just looking for a new slasher; tbf it is probably  the best windmill-themed slasher ever made though)
  

Other shit:

• Monsters (really good; not “Halloween” monsters)
  
• It Follows (hey, what’s up, it’s the best horror movie of the past decade; highest possible rec)
  
• Sleepy Hollow (what section do Headless Horsemen go in? Dunno; the movie not the show)
  
• The House at the End of Time (highly recommended; subtitled)
  
• Honeymoon
  
• Starry Eyes
  
• White God (DOG REVENGE)
  
• They Look Like People (this is a slow burn, but super highly recommended)
  
• Extraordinary Tales (animated anthology of Edgar Allan Poe stories narrated by famous people; a mixed bag, but cool)
  
• Darling (okay, so: this is a really beautiful and atmospheric film that I, generally speaking, recommend; however, it is kind of “artsy,” there is not a lot of dialogue, it is in black and white, there are some light strobing effects, rape does not occur on screen but is implied to have happened in a character’s past)
  
• The Hallow (scary fairies)
  
• Tales of Halloween (an anthology, so a mixed bag; okay overall, but it’s definitely Halloween-y)
  
• The Invitation (highest possible recommendation)
  
• Beyond the Gates (I actually did not like this very much, but some people might find it interesting, especially if you like–wait for it–Barbara Crampton)
  
• Turbo Kid (this is not really horror, but if you like horror, especially splatter stuff, you will probably like it; it is good as shit)
  
• Gerald’s Game (new shit from Mike Flanagan and it’s really great. Deals with lots of hard issues like abuse and such so maybe take a look at content issues if you are sensitive to that kind of stuff. Also definitely not for the squeamish, so head’s up. That said, it’s really really good)
  

80s/90s shit:

• Hellraiser (not my style, but maybe you like this stuff, iunno)
  
• Children of the Corn
  
• The Craft
  

Non-Supernatural Thriller/Violence shit (these are violent):

• Hush (Mike Flanagan directs; home invasion with a deaf woman protagonist; fucking rules)
  
• The Silenced (haven’t actually watched this yet, but it looks good; don’t *think* it’s supernatural?; presumably subtitled)
  
• The Eyes of My Mother (black and white; super bleak; beautiful and highly recommended)
  
• Kristy
  
• Dig Two Graves
  
• We Need to Talk About Kevin (very bleak)
  
• The Bad Batch (from the director of A Girl Walks Home Etc; only kind of horror-adjacent; Jason Momoa and Keanu Reeves are in this)
  
• Sun Choke (visually beautiful but super art-housey, also lots of mental illness and abuse stuff in this one; also *Barbara Crampton*)
  
• Zodiac (biography of Ted Cruz)
  
• I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore (so fucking good; very funny also)
  
• Nightcrawler (basically a vampire movie, but with a camera instead of fangs)
  

Horror and Horror-Adjacent Documentaries (all the good horror docs got moved to Shudder):

• The Nightmare (a doc on sleep paralysis and night terrors that is so-so as a documentary, but super effective as a horror film)
  
• Witches: A Century of Murder (history of British witch trials, reenacted; two parts)
  

“But, Benito!” I hear you cry. “I don’t have Netflix for some reason! What about some other streaming services?” Yeah, all right. Here are some quick hits that are definitely not exhaustive. Just a couple of party jams you might enjoy if you’ve burned through the Netflix list.

What’s on Hulu though

• 10 Cloverfield Lane
  
• Monster Squad
  
• Fright Night (the original; a must watch if you haven’t seen it)
  
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
  
• From Dusk Til Dawn
  
• An American Werewolf in London
  
• Hatchet
  
• Pumpkinhead (check this one out if you haven’t seen it)
  
• The Blob
  
• I Saw the Devil (amazing)
  
• Invasion of the Body Snatchers (either version)
  
• Shaun of the Dead
  
• The Loved Ones
  
• Wolfcop
  
• The Thing
  
• Rigor Mortis
  
• Borgman
  
• The Descent
  
• Bloodsucking Bastards
  
• Willow Creek
  
• Berberian Sound Studio
  
• Plus a bunch of shit that’s also on Netflix
  

What about Amazon Prime you idiot

• The Girl with All the Gifts
  
• Them (not Them!)
  
• The Witch
  
• Hell House LLC
  
• Neon Demon
  
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre
  
• Nosferatu
  
• Green Room
  
• Little Shop of Horrors (the Corman one, not the musical)
  
• The Blackcoat’s Daughter
  
• The Bay
  
• Society
  
• The Last Man on Earth
  
• The Last Exorcism
  
• What We Do in the Shadows
• Amazon Prime is hard to navigate so that’s all. If I left off a favorite, it’s not because I don’t like it. It’s because it didn’t pop up in the first 20 pages of search results.
  

Tell me some good Shudder ones

• The Innkeepers
  
• A Tale of Two Sisters
  
• The Gorgon
  
• Lake Bodom
  
• Prevenge
  
• All the Phantasms (maybe not Ravager)
  
• Shrew’s Nest
  
• Noroi: The Curse
  
• The House of the Devil
  
• Black Sunday
  
• Let the Right One In
  
• Murder Party (highly recommended, esp for Halloween)
  
• WNUF Halloween Special
  
• Ghostwatch (play this at your party if you want to fucking win Halloween)
  
• This list could be a million more entries long. Shudder rules.
  

What about Crackle/Vudu/YouTube/etc

• Please shut up
  

As usual, please do me a solid and only circulate the current version of the list, so people aren’t clicking on dead links and thinking I’m an idiot. Again, this list is not and could not be completely exhaustive, and if I left off your favorite movie, I swear I was not targeting you personally. And, again, some of these movies are more interesting than they are good AND horror is a highly subjective experience, so your mileage may vary on some of these.

If you enjoyed this list, perhaps consider checking out some of my other Halloween-related posts:

• a primer for spooky stories
  
• a primer for Lovecraft specifically
  
• a list of “essential” horror movies
  
• a list of “essential” silent horror movies
  
• a list of “essential” horror comedies
  
• a list of suggested horror double features
  
• a primer for Hammer horror
  
• a list of cool movies starring Christopher Lee and Vincent Price
  
• this list of resources, including short films and even more scary movies
  
• a suggested Halloween playlist
  
• a primer for spooky classical music
  
• the scariest 20 minutes in radio history
  
• free to play spooky games
  
• and my general Halloween tag, which includes short films, movie trailers, comics, stories, and more
  

Also maybe consider checking out my Letterboxd profile, where I rate and review movies of all types (but primarily horror) all year long and from all sorts of sources, in case you’re wondering what’s good on more than just Netflix. Also also, maybe take a look at some of my comics, several of which are appropriate for Halloween times.

Happy Halloween, nerds!

(via benito-cereno)

benito-cereno:

benito-cereno:

koltron asked: What is up with the Green Knight in Arthurian lore?

The Green Knight is a character primarily known from a 14th century poem called “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight,” but he also appears in a probably 16th century retelling of that story called “The Greene Knight,” and he shows up as a supporting character (on Arthur’s side) in a 17th century fragmentary poem called “King Arthur and King Cornwall.”

In the original poem, he is called the Green Knight because he is green. His skin, clothes, horse, hair, face, dick, etc are all green. He busts in on Arthur and the Round Table having Christmas times and challenges the knights to a beheading contest. The rules are this: here is an axe, hit me with it as hard as you can. Then in one year I will hit you back.

Gawain begs Arthur (his uncle) to let him hit the green guy with an axe and Arthur says okay. Gawain picks up the axe and cuts off the green guy’s head. The green knight picks up his head and is like, “Good job, see you in one year” and then he leaves accompanied by the sound and smell of one hundred soiled medieval underwears.

Anyway, as it gets close to one year later, Gawain starts making his way to the green chapel where the knight lives, but along the way stops at the house of a guy named Bertilak, who is like hella nice to Gawain. They have hella parties up ins. Bertilak also has a hot wife and a mystery old lady whose name is not said, but who is clearly an important guest.

Bertilak tells Gawain that he’s not far from the green chapel, so he should stay with him until it’s time to go meet the Green Knight. He then challenges him to a game, which is basically this: try to give me a better present than I give you, I fucking dare you. Each day Bertilak goes out hunting and says that he will trade whatever he catches for whatever Gawain scores during the day.

When Bertilak goes out hunting the first day, Bertilak’s wife comes to Gawain trying to do sex on him. Gawain knows this is not cool, so he refuses her advances, but he allows her one kiss so as not to hurt her feelings. When Bertilak comes back, he gives Gawain a dead-ass deer. Gawain gives Bertilak a single bro-kiss. Bertilak for some reason does not ask questions.

The next day ends with Bertilak giving Gawain a dead-ass boar, and Gawain giving Bertilak TWO bro-kisses. Bertilak is still like, “Okay this is pretty normal I guess.”

The third day it is getting pretty close to the day Gawain must go to the Green Chapel. While Bertilak is out hunting for a fox, Lady Bertilak once more comes to seduce Gawain, but this time also offers him a magical girdle that will protect him from harm in addition to getting his bone on. He refuses the boning, but accepts three kisses and the girdle, because he is afraid that the Green Knight will kill him. When Bertilak gives him the fox, Gawain gives him the three kisses, but keeps the girdle a secret.

Anyway, Gawain goes to the Green Chapel and finds the Green Knight sharpening his axe. Gawain bares his neck to receive his blow, but the Green Knight swings and stops the axe before it hits. Gawain flinches and the Green Knight laughs. The Knight swings again, but this time Gawain does not flinch, but still the Knight does not land his blow. He swings a third time, but only nicks Gawain’s neck.

Yo, anyway, here is what is up:

Surprise! Bertilak was really the Green Knight. The old woman at his house was really Morgan Le Fay, and she had used her powers to turn him into a Green Knight so that he could test the mettle of Arthur’s knights. The wagers at Bertilak’s house were a test of his loyalty and chastity, and he basically passed, but he suffered the nick on his neck because he didn’t give Bertilak the girdle (thus valuing his own life over his loyalty to his host).

Gawain is ashamed to have acted like a coward, but the Green Knight laughs and they part friends.

Anyway, that’s the story of “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.” The later poem, “The Greene Knight,” changes some details, like the Green Knight just WEARS green, and the whole thing is a trick to try to get Gawain to fuck his wife? basically? but more or less follows the same plot. In “King Arthur and King Cornwall,” the Green Knight is a super badass who uses a sacred text to stop a demon from attacking Arthur and cut off his own master’s head.

OH

And in the later two works, his name isn’t Bertilak, it’s Bredbeddle, and that is weird.

Speaking of the Green Knight, here’s this again.

(via theisb)